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Why Piano hinges are a good thing
Hark at furry and well you should.
Why am I going to win the Nobel Prize? Boy have I got an idea and a half! Just like a Cadbury’s chocolate bar but less sugar and more hinge.
How to begin (and that’s nearly a song). This all started many moons ago, post ‘Roobarb Saga’ but prior to the ‘pylon incident’.
Twas during a car journey of whose length required the playing of top trumps. Fighter Planes to be exact
Upon request but failing to think of how to explain in laymen terms thermo dynamics, thrust and the laws of gravity to younger sibling, I simply said that aeroplanes flapped their wings to take off. This of course was further embellished upon as sibling being quite observant noted that he had never seen at any time, anywhere, anyhow, any movement from any said wings.
‘Ahh’ said I, as a prelude to aforementioned embellishment ‘but that is because, you simple minded youth, they were designed aka the goose, well noted for the initial flurry needed to achieve feet off ground position but once airborne who doth glide, thus preserving energy.’
And so my idea was born. Whilst this, any reasonable person would point out is all a load of bollox, it is so due to parental conditioning, monopolies within the media and a complete lack of enterprise within the aviation industry.
Suitable piano hinges and a simple pulley and lever system are all that are required to take aviation into the next decade of this new millennia, neither fuselage, wing nor undercarriage need any but the smallest of modifications and hey presto, you’ve got yourself a rabbit.
Suitable piano hinges and a simple pulley and lever system are all that are required to take aviation into the next decade of this new millennia, neither fuselage, wing nor undercarriage need any but the smallest of modifications and hey presto, you’ve got yourself a rabbit.
This new design will keep holidaymakers cooler as the goose2002gti flies silently over, creating downward thrust over their soon to be completed luxury sea view apartments, which in turn means there will no longer be the need for us to watch tedious consumer programmes highlighting the stupidity of travellers who haven’t the forethought to check where their hotels are located in relation to airport and flight paths. (large intake of breath – grammar may be added at a later date)
The goose2002gti will also help conserve valuable land acreage, as aircraft hangers will no longer take up so much room. The hangers will naturally be a lot taller as wings will need to be raised to the 12 of the clock position whilst parked up for the night or undergoing occasional maintenance (WD40 should be sufficient).
Unfortunately Mr Davro at number 42 may have to reconsider the layout of his vegetable plot but hey that’s one hellever wall to train his runner beans up.
Further benefits
Larger piano hinges also mean of course that larger pianos can be constructed, thus allowing fat fingered people up till now the inaccessible opportunity of being able to get funky and tinkle those ivories.
People with fat fingers will in turn create a need for bigger piano stools on account of their fat arses (the two invariably go together). And as we all know, llamas make excellent stools. A flip top lid can easily be installed to hold such treasures as Bach’s sonata in g major, Bert Weedon’s ‘Play a Day piano accompaniment’ and a swizzle stick.
More stools of course mean more llamas (simple supply and demand Economics – though making sure demand is slightly greater than supply thus becoming sickeningly rich) which increases llama imports - which in turn means more flights - which means more fuel (of which there is an ever-decreasing supply, as well you know), which in turn means new means of easily replenished fuel* for increased numbers of flights which brings us nicely back to piano hinges.
I rest my case.
I think you will agree that the prize is, as they say, in the bag!
*Did I not mention that hinged wings would proudly boast many solar panels? Well they do. See - no noise and no need for aviation fuel, as we know it. Bye bye big oil company sheiks, we will no longer have to save your countries from invading forces, bye bye big American oil Barons we will no longer have to support you saving oil Sheiks from invading forces.
Note to invading forces; Oil is worthless! Stop invading richer countries.
That’ll be the peace prize as well me thinks!
The benefits are endless I have even had interest shown from the top trump card consortium who are eager to re join the market and give pokemon a run for their money!
See. Bigger piano hinges = economic growth, happy holidaymakers, world peace, a sense of worth to the mainly South American llama population and a means to keep your children entertained on long car journeys.
Again I rest my case.